


Normal People Transportation

by Latent



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latent/pseuds/Latent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our team is very unhappy with their situation of having to take "normal people transportation."</p><p>A story in which our favorite RED team is stuck on a plane with everyday human beings who aren't sure what to think of the notorious team's presence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normal People Transportation

**Author's Note:**

> It's late, I've just watched the Saxxy Award winning SFM "Turbulance," and I'm ready to write weirdness. Warning: It is gay between some characters oops I'm a teenage girl what do you expect?

Scout groaned while mashing his face into the tinted window, his hat and headphones pushing up on his head. "Why the hell can't I drive?!"

"Because you vould crash the van, Scout. You've failed all of your driver's tests."

The rest of the van's occupants were silent, lost in their own heads. Call this the thirteenth hour of continuous driving! To make matters worse, they hadn't even gotten to the airport yet. The wait to board and plane ride itself was supposed to last an entire day.   
  
"Who's bright idea was it to destroy our jet again?"  
  
"Mr. Hale is using it for a business trip, Scout. He sent us a compensation haul, remember? You were given a pack of Bonk punch. Sniper got a set of jars, Medic received eleven pounds of bird feed, Heavy got a pile of sandwiches, and so on."

"Oh... right!"

Ms. Pauling rolled her eyes in frustration and turned onto the next exit. "We'll be arriving at the airport soon. All of you need to start getting your carry on things together, we don't have any time to waste. Make sure you have everything that you've brought with you. Remember, this is a very important mission, and there's no room for silly mistakes. Plus, think of me here. If I let you forget your stuff, the Administrator will literally have my head."

The nine Mercs mumbled out a collective agreement with her words before bending over awkwardly to gather their bags. Exactly fifteen minutes later, Ms. Pauling guided the large van into the busy airport parking lot.

"Before you get out just remember guys; no answering questions for the media, no starting fights with airport security or staff of any kind, no fighting in general, and definitely no cutting off each other's hands. I'm looking at you, Pyro and Soldier. Remember guys, you're part of a military. You get special rights in these kinds of places. More citizens know of the RED team than you think, after we started branching out and doing jobs other than fighting over land with BLU. People are going to stare, and they're going to take pictures. You may get a thanks from the pilots. It may sound rude now, but ignore everyone who approaches you. They're better off not knowing anything about you and your jobs. Everyone understand?"

They nodded at her and hauled up their stuff, slowly pooling out of the large vehicle into the parking lot. 

"We also have special permission for you to keep certain weaponry on you. Not all of it, of course, that would be ridiculous. Only basic things like pistols and melee weapons. They're asking that you safe lock them somehow though, especially the flame thrower. Please don't do anything to revoke that permission, you have no idea what kind of hell we had to go through in order to have your weapons stay with you. The only reason we went _through_ that hell was because you crazy idiots would go bonkers without your stuff with you. Departure time is 7:00 AM sharp. You all will meet at B-13 at 6:30 AM. Plan on using restrooms before that time. You have the first seats. Please sit in the very front, and be polite. Once again, NO FIGHTS. NONE. If I hear about a fight happening at ANY point on this mission, then the internet connection is getting locked for two montsh when you get back. Understand? Good. Finally, I want to remind you about what you're doing when you get there. After you land and take the next plan, you will be meeting a woman in the airport when you land at 4:00 AM the following morning. This trip is top secret, alright? The woman you'll be meeting will go by the name Rosanne. I'm trusting you to remember that. Unload your bags from the back, and I'll drive the van home. Good luck guys."

Each merc dragged their bags out from the van while yawning and stretching, attempting to get used to the clean air that didn't smell of oil, piss, and blood.

Spy had one last smoke before the team had to enter the "smoke-free" vacinity, and Pyro cried while securring her flame-thrower. Neither of them were very confident in their abilities to hold back from their smokes. Medic rubbed Archimedes' head affectionately, silently praying that they will allow him to keep the dove with him. If Ms. Pauling was telling the truth, the simple dove shouldn't be a problem. 

"Think they'll let you and Sasha on the plane, tons of fun?" Scout joked, gently tapping the large minigun with his wooden bat.

"If Sasha does not go, Heavy does not go. Is how it works."

Heavy rolled his shoulders back and lifted the big weapon with ease, something the other mercs would be unable to do. After a few minutes of suiting up and gathering their items, the team of mercs set off towards the front enterance. After walking in, they all immediately felt the stares of people burning into the backs of their necks. Scout tugged at his hand-bandages nervously. Growing up, a lot of attention freaked him out, and it still does. Normally he puts on a big show that he loves the spotlight, but in reality, really doesn't. Pyro, feeling judged for cuddling the Balloonicorn, quickly moved it down lower in her arms so that it was blocked from view. She shuffled to the middle of the group, head down. Noticing her move, Demo moved out and blocked her from the side where she came in.

"Nothin' to be ashamed of, lass."

Pyro gave him a side smile, and lifted her chin up. Archimedes hid himself in Medic's scarf, and Heavy cracked his knuckles in a frightening but not threatening manner. The group moved forward to give their suitcases to the woman loading them onto the moving belt. Spy approached her and introduced them. She gave the mercs a warm smiled and told them how honored she was to be speaking with them. After a fairly lengthy conversation, all bags were put onto the belt to be loaded into the plane. The mercs thanked the kind woman and continued on to security. They were surrounded by the awkward stares of many onlookers, fascinated by the amount of knives, pistols, and other little bits that were being deposited into the boxes. The mercs took another decent chunk of time explaining their situation to security, who reluctantly let them keep their items. Miraculously, Medic managed to smuggle Archimedes through, which made him much happier.

Pyro desperately tried to stay in the middle of the group, hiding her balloonicorn. What would those strangers think? This scary, mask-wearing merc was snuggling this plastic unicorn? She knew that her suit was baggy and made her look like a male, which made it obvious to her that they'd be judging her even harder for it. She thought about pulling her mask off and walking around like that to avoid the rude stares, but decided against it. Besides, they wouldn't judge her forever right? No one was THAT immature...

Meanwhile, Engie was examining the model planes suspended around the building with fascination. 

"Boy... those are some beautiful machines..."

Sniper laughed and gave him light shove in the shoulders. "Why don't you go marry them if you love 'em so much, mate?"

"Oh quit yer teasing, Sniper! You know I have a lady."

"Is it your dispenser?"

"SNIPER."

"Hehe, sorry mate."

"For your information, no, it ain't the dispenser. I have wife and a daughter back home, you know that."

"Just picking fun at ya."

"Does anyvone need to use ze bathroom? We're right here, and just got out of ze van. Go now or forever hold your piece!"

The nine mercs grumbled at the thought of taking their bags into the stalls with them to avoid theft. Pyro felt even more awkward being the only one to walk over to the female bathroom. Demo gave her an encouraging nod before he and the rest of the team disappeared into the male's room. Pyro sighed and pushed the door to the female's room, and was immediately bombarded with vicious screams and angry women beating her with their purses.

"YOU MEN ARE SO DISGUSTING!"

"PERVERT!"

"RED TEAM IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRUSTWORTHY TEAM OF MERCENARIES! BUT THEY'RE THE SAME AS ALL OTHER MEN!"

Pyro half expected this, considering not many people are aware that she is actually a female. With the rest of the team being male, everyone just made the assumption that she was as well. The ladies tried desperately to assertively escort her from the bathroom, but failed. Pyro might not be very big without her suit on, but she was tough. 

Demo heard the commotion from the male's room and sighed, rubbing his temples.  
  
"Ah'll be back lads. Gotta take care of somethin'."

Demo threw open the door to the ladies room and shouted, 

"THE PYRO'S A FEMALE, YE BIG UGLY GIRLS." 

He immediately backed out and closed it as Pyro was showered with apologies that bounced right off of her. She removed her mask and stuffed it into her bag, not wanting to have to deal with any one else like those women. You'd think they'd just accept the fact that if she was in the female bathroom, she was a female. 

Some time later, the team found themselves being ridiculed for getting to board before any of the other patrons. Despite wanting to give them all skull fractures, Scout was aware that violence was socially unacceptable in these areas. That, and Medic had taken his bat so that he couldn't even try if he wanted to.

"I cannot BELIEVE you'd let these disgusting KILLERS board the plane first! Do you have any idea what those people do?! My family wants our tickets refunded because they're all terrified to go on our family trip now!"

"Ma'am, if you'd like a later flight, please go to the customer service desk."

"No! I want to be on THIS flight! I demand that we get our money back and ride for free since we have to be with THEM!"

"I'm afraid we can't allow you to ride for free simply because of your distaste for other passengers on board. We can however move your tickets to second class and refund that money to you since the team will only be sitting in first class."

"MOVE THEM TO SECOND CLASS!"

"They're here for a very important mission and we have been asked to treat them very well. Please keep your opinions to yourself, ma'am. You are disturbing the others around you."

The angry woman huffed, and glared daggers at the RED team of mercs. "You all are terrible killers who should be imprisoned!"

"Listen lady, we did our share of crime like anyone else in the world, but we're makin' up for it by doin' some dangerous fricken crap to protect people like YOU. We're takin' all the dirty jobs that regular military personel don't want to. So unless you want us to just sit back and relax while your kids are all, I dunno, kidnapped by some terrorist group overseas then learn a thing or two about what we do before flappin' your lips."

Medic nudged Scout roughly in the shoulder, but with a smug grin on his face. "Exactly vhat ze Scout said, but don't mind him, he's a rude kid. He means to say zat ve are avare zat vhat ve do isn't very clean vork but ve do it to protect ze citizens of zis country, including you. Ve don't harm innocent people."

"But you HAVE! My husband works for the government! He knows what you... you VILLAINS have done in the past!"

"Great. Zen you know exactly vhat ve are capable of. Please, leave my team alone, before a big scene starts up."

"OH, YOU DON'T WANT A SCENE, DO YOU?! YOU WANT TO BURY YOUR CRIMES AND UNJUST MURDERS IN THE PAST SO THAT THEY ALL THINK YOU'RE GOOD GUYS?! GUNS KILL PEOPLE! YOU HAVE WEAPONRY WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! LISTEN UP EVERYBODY, THIS IS THE RED TEAM. THEY'RE BRINGING THEIR WEAPONS ON AN AIRLINE FULL OF INNOCENT CHILDREN."

While the woman went on screaming, a staff member was repeatedly apologizing to the mercs. Medic raised a hand to stop the girl's apologies and said simply, 

"Ve get this more often zan you think."

 


End file.
